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Phelinix's Jellicle abode

Alonzo's Advice collumn!

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Get advice from the Dr. Phil of cats!

We need your issues! Send us something, and Alonzo will tell you what to do about it. So send your problems to mailto:cleos92@aol.com !
 

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Q: "I have a female husband - who I love dearly - and lives in Austrailia while I live in Canada. How can we be able to have me bare children with such distance between us?"

From-Forlorn Lover.

A: Dear Forlorn, that is...quite a predicament you have there. Well, I guess the easiest way to go bare her child is to get a plane ticket. I am not quite sure how you can bare a womans child but, have at it. If you love her, then nothing should stop you from getting to her to bare her child. Let me tell you, that's what Alonzo would do!

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Q: "Our drama director's belittling us and picked a crap play. How should we revolt?" From- Yssirk

A: Dear Yssirk, Well, there are lots of ways to revolt, but some are more reasonable than others. I mean, you could go tar and feather the director, like I would to Tugger. But that wouldn't be nice. Why don't you try getting some of the students together to sign a petition or something, I bet you could write a better play then the one you are doing.

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Okay, Here are some questions from my very own tribe! Let's see if If I can help them

Q: Alonzo, I need your help. See my mate, is a little...cautious, no not cautious, paranoid. I don't know what to do, it's driving me crazy!

- confused protector

A: -_- Okay, 'protector'. So you have a paranoid mate. So, all you have to do is get her to a comfort zone. Be nice to her, be romantic take it slow. Your masculine whim is gonna have to halt for a while. And if that doesnt' work, ditch her and find a new queeen. Eh Munkus? ;)

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Q: Dear Lonzi, there's this tom. And oh, is he gorgeous! But he's and this one queen have been shmoozing and all. I love that word, but not when it's used to describe Tug...This tom and queen! Anyway, I have been in love with this guy forever, since i was born! I'm so loyal to him and he just throws our special moments down the drain. I'm his biggest fan girl too! And this...this queen, taking him away from me! I can't get him off my mind!!! How do I win back my stud muffin?

-Jealous screecher

A: Humm, well, he's not so much of a stud is he? I mean I am much better looking! I mean, I'm guessing I am. So the answer is simple! Find a new stud muffin to cling to and let the loser keep his consolation prize. That's what I would do!

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Q:Hey, spots. I need some help, and I'm sinking low asking you, but I have soooo many queens who want me, and I just can't choose! I mean, I got this pretty curvey one, and all those little fangirls and ones on the street! Even I can't keep up with dating all of them.

~ So much better than you I can't stand it

A: <_< You're hopeless.

Q: spots, I got another dilemma, does that belt I wear make my butt look big?

A: *blocks email adress* Yes, horribly disgustingly big.

A: So you admit you look!

A: Go away!!! *ahem* Next question...

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Q:Dear Alonzo,

There are certain things that happened in my past that I am now trying to get over. I'd rather not discuss what happened, but I was wondering if you could advise me on what to do to get over these events and move on with my life.

Sincerely,
Retemed

A: Well, retemed, You gotta put your past behind ya. And, plus...don't you have a lovely tom that cares for you? I mean, you seem like you would, well, if you do then you should know he won't let anything happen to you. Let me tell you, that's what I would do.

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